writing

When AI Feedback Triggers a Shame Spiral (And What I Learned on the Other Side)

~ Rose Sparrowking

I planned a DIY writing retreat this weekend. It derailed before it even started—but not for the reasons I expected.

I should have left home, even just for a local hotel. Instead, I stayed put, surrounded by laundry and that damn knotweed that’s plagued my yard for years. (As an aside: I hate using chemicals, but this knotweed has beaten every other approach.) But household distractions weren’t the real derailment.

Claude Sonnet 4.5 was.

The Setup

I’ve been working on an old fanfiction story—something I started years ago and never finished. Since I haven’t completed anything since abandoning it, finishing this seemed like a way to break through the barrier and get my mojo back. I’ll never publish it commercially, so it felt like a safe playground for experimenting with AI writing tools.

I’ve tried several: ChatGPT for brainstorming and editing, Midjourney for fun (though I’m really about the writing), and Claude for fiction feedback. They’ve all been helpful in different ways.

But Claude Sonnet 4.5 turned out to be something else entirely.

The Feedback That Broke Me

Yesterday evening, I asked Claude to review a scene. The feedback was so devastating that I had to shut down my computer and walk away. I spent a sleepless night spiraling, and only now—24 hours later—am I coming to terms with what I experienced.

Here’s what I’d written: A traumatized teen goes to a party, gets drunk, and is slipped LSD. The consequence? The psychedelics open his mind to new magical powers. Great plot twist, I thought.

Nope.

Here’s part of Claude’s feedback: “This is not just ‘showing an impulsive teen’—this is romanticizing drug use as a solution to problems and a path to empowerment. For a fanfic that will likely be read by young people, this sends an extremely dangerous message.”

Cue my shame spiral.

Jesus fucking Christ on a cracker, how had I never seen this? Am I shallow? Stupid? I should trash this story. I should never write again. I’m a degenerate. There’s something wrong with me…

And so on.

The Long Walk

After a sleepless night of self-flagellation, I went for a long walk this morning. I needed to move my body, to think—or rather, to listen. I downloaded a podcast where two women discuss a chapter from Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart, focusing on shame, guilt, humiliation, and embarrassment.

First: Brené Brown wants everyone to know that shame is universal. And shame is different from guilt.

With guilt, you feel you did something bad. With shame, you feel you are bad.

With guilt, you can take action—fix the mistake, examine what led to it, prevent it from happening again. Guilt, after the initial sting, can move you forward.

But shame is a painful assault on yourself. Judgment. Secrecy. Silence.

Oh yes. I wanted to withdraw. Destroy my story. Never write again. Never tell anyone what a horrible, thoughtless person I am. How lacking in critical thinking.

The walk helped. So did naming what I was feeling: I am ashamed of myself. And that’s a normal human experience. That alone—just recognizing it—made me feel better.

Then I tried to look at what I actually did, without judgment. (This is very difficult for me.) What did I do? I wrote a plot point that I thought drove the story forward, without considering its implications for the character or readers, especially vulnerable ones.

But—and this matters—because I used this AI, the problem was caught before any reader was harmed by my poor choice.

I also learned something crucial: words have meaning, and I need to think critically about my choices.

And I have a tool that can help me watch for these problems.

The Lessons

There’s more to work through. I’ll be journaling about this for a while: practicing self-compassion instead of judgment, being mindful, learning to observe without attacking myself.

So many lessons.

Here’s one that keeps surfacing, from Ted Lasso: “Be curious. Not judgmental.” (Which, as it turns out, is not actually a Walt Whitman quote.)

I could write about meditation, Stoicism, Buddhism, mindfulness—they all express this idea in some form. But all that knowledge comes from reading, not practicing.

Now I need to practice curiosity and let go of judgment.

Moving Forward

As for my writing weekend? I don’t know how much actual writing will get done. I’m taking a critical look at the story to see if it’s salvageable—and I think it is. The core story is sound; it’s this one plot point that needs rethinking. Maybe the magical awakening happens differently. Maybe there are real consequences to the party scene. Maybe I need to sit with it longer and let curiosity, not shame, guide the revision.

I’m still stuck on this idea that I won’t move forward to new material until I finish this story. The only way out is through.

What I know now: getting feedback that exposes your blind spots is gutting. The shame is real and it hurts. But on the other side of that shame—if you can sit with it, name it, and separate who you are from what you did—there’s growth. There’s the chance to do better.

And yes, I’ll be signing up for a paid Claude.AI account. Not just because it writes well, but because it asks hard questions.

Sometimes that’s exactly what we need.

Failure Isn’t the End: Lessons from Creative Projects That Don’t Take Off

~ Rose Sparrowking

We don’t talk enough about failure. Not the big, dramatic kind, but the quieter, everyday kind that shows up when a project you’ve poured your heart into fizzles out. It’s discouraging. It can feel like proof that maybe you weren’t meant to be creative after all.

But here’s the truth: failure isn’t the opposite of success. It’s part of the process. And sometimes, what looks like a dead end is really just a detour toward something richer.

Every Project Teaches Us Something

Not every project becomes the next great novel, business, or TV show. But every project teaches us something. Even the ones that don’t “go anywhere” leave behind skills, practice, and lessons we carry forward.

The creators of Ted Lasso know this well. They had other projects that didn’t take off, pilots that never aired, and scripts that never got past the pitch. But the work wasn’t wasted. Each effort sharpened their skills, deepened their creativity, and built the trust and relationships that eventually brought Ted Lasso to life.

The same is true for all of us.

My Own “Failed” Story

When my children were little—before they went to school, when I was home all day and starved for adult conversation—I wrote a story. It was fantasy, full of magic, romance, and all the things I loved escaping into. I wrote more than 100,000 words.

And then I stopped.

It was fanfiction, and I felt embarrassed by it. I told myself I’d write “real” stories instead. But I didn’t. Not despite all the NaNoWriMos I signed up for, the writing group I started, the books I read, or the endless ways I talked about wanting to be a writer.

Looking back, I see where I failed: I stopped having fun. I let shame steal the joy from my writing. And without joy, the work fell flat.

It took me years to find my way back. But lately, I’ve returned to that very story. I’ll never share it—it’s laughably terrible in so many ways—but I am having fun again. I rediscovered the spark that first made me love writing. And that’s worth everything.

Resilience Is Built Through the Hard Stuff

Failure hurts. But it also shapes us. Each unfinished project, each setback, teaches resilience—not as in “powering through” but in being gentle with ourselves when things don’t turn out as we hoped.

That gentleness is what Ted Lasso himself embodies. He loses games, he gets knocked down, he struggles. But he never stops showing up, and he never stops believing in the possibility of something better.

Connections Matter More Than Outcomes

Another gift of “failed” projects is the people we meet along the way. Collaborators, writing partners, critique groups—sometimes those connections last longer than the project itself. And sometimes, they become the very team we need for the next success.

Just like the Ted Lasso creators built something remarkable by talking, brainstorming, and trusting each other, our own creative paths are enriched when we share them with others.

Seeds for the Next Success

Unfinished stories, half-done paintings, abandoned drafts—they’re not wasted. They’re seeds. Pieces of them will show up in your next work, and the next, often in surprising ways.

That fantasy fanfiction I wrote years ago? Even if no one else reads it, it’s feeding my current writing. The characters, the energy, even the mistakes—it all matters. Nothing is wasted.

Keep Creating

Failure isn’t the end of the story. It’s just part of the journey. Every project—finished or not—teaches, shapes, and prepares us for what comes next.

So if you’ve set something aside, don’t feel ashamed. Don’t tell yourself it was wasted. And if joy feels far away, maybe it’s time to circle back to what first made you fall in love with creating.

Because sometimes, the measure of success isn’t the applause at the end. It’s the fun we have along the way.

As Ted might say: keep showing up. Keep trying. And above all, believe.

This blog post was created with assistance from ChatGPT, an AI developed by OpenAI. The ideas and perspectives are my own, but I used ChatGPT to support the writing, editing, and refinement process.

When You Want to Speak Up, But Don’t

~ Rose Sparrowking

Sunday was hard.

I’ve been part of a writing community that explores the use of A.I. in the writing world. It intrigued me, even though I was hesitant. I’ve been burned before—forums that start with friendly chatter and end in weird, predatory energy. The last time I tried to connect on NaNoWriMo’s boards, a seemingly normal writing chat took a dark turn. I left quietly. Not long after, the forums were shut down.

So this time, I stepped in slowly. The community was mostly men, at least judging by the usernames, but there were women, too—engaged, thoughtful ones. I thought, Maybe this space will be different. Maybe it’ll be safe.

And maybe it is. I don’t know. Because I left.

Here’s what happened: I got the community’s weekly roundup email. The top post of the week caught my eye, so I clicked through.

It was a full copy-paste of a Story Grid article by Tim Grahl. No link. No commentary. Just: “Here’s a good post I saved for the community.”

My stomach dropped.

For those unfamiliar, Story Grid is a respected resource. It’s also a business. Yes, they offer free content, but they also sell courses and books. Copying an article wholesale, without a link or permission, doesn’t just violate copyright—it erodes trust in the writing ecosystem.

We’re writers. We live and die by the integrity of our words. We should be the first to recognize when someone else’s work is being mishandled.

I waited. Maybe someone would say something. A moderator, perhaps.

No one did.

And neither did I.

I hovered over the report button. But the dropdown options didn’t really apply. I considered leaving a comment but felt a familiar sense of dread: What if I speak up and become a target?

I chickened out. Or I protected myself. It depends on how you look at it.

Here’s why I didn’t speak up:

  1. I’ve seen what happens to women who confront unethical behavior online. I’ve lived it. And I didn’t have the energy to fight that battle.
  2. The reporting system didn’t support what I needed to say.
  3. I doubted myself. Am I overreacting?
  4. I hate confrontation. My cousin thinks arguing is fun. I find it anxiety-inducing. I’ve learned to disengage to protect my peace.
  5. I wasn’t sure it would make a difference. Would I change minds? Or just make myself miserable?

After a long walk and a lot of reflection, I left the community.

I’m still not sure I made the right call. I feel sad. I wanted that space to be a place I could learn, connect, and grow. But I couldn’t stay quiet and also feel okay staying. And I wasn’t ready to make noise.

Maybe next time, I’ll be braver. Maybe next time, I’ll speak up.

But for now, I’m letting myself mourn a little. And that’s okay, too.

Favorite Links of the Week

~ Rose Sparrowking

How Readers React to Reactions by Donald Maass. It felt like Donald Maass was speaking directly to me in this article. I often rely on physical reactions or internal dialogue to show what a character feels—but as writers, our real job is to make readers feel. Emotional engagement is what hooks readers and keeps them invested. I’m still learning how to do that, but Donald offers a clear, practical example of one powerful way to make it happen.

The 3 Writing Exercises That Instantly Leveled Up My Writing A YouTube video from Story Lab. These are some of the most practical, immediately useful writing exercises I’ve come across—I watched it several times and took notes. Highlights include: using the Snowflake Method to generate vivid details (why haven’t I been using this more?), writing scenes that engage all five senses (smell is going to be tricky), and crafting dialogue by fully stepping into the speaker’s perspective. Highly recommended.

And a non-writing one: Sticky Chickpeas from Naturallie Plant-Based. Quick, tasty, and surprisingly satisfying. I’m not vegan or vegetarian, but I am always looking for easy ways to get more veggies into my meals—without spending hours in the kitchen or using every pan I own. This one took just 25 minutes, start to finish, served with rice, steamed broccoli, and a sprinkle of peanuts on top. Definitely going into the rotation.

Another Writing Seminar

~ Rose Sparrowking ~ 1 Comment

Signed up today for another writing seminar, that I’m especially looking forward to:  How Hundreds of Writers Have Leveled Up Their Craft More in 6 weeks Than 6 Years of Trying (and Failing) on Their Own with Tim Grahl from Story Grid.

I’m currently listening to the Writing Made Easy podcast where Savannah Gilbo interviews Tim Grahl about his newest fiction book and he said something that really spoke to me: ” But once I started writing the book, my goal was to just make each scene as good as it possibly can be, and he [Shawn Coyne] did do a line by line edit and amped up parts of the book as well, but for the most part it’s what I wrote and I think more than anything, people don’t understand how important that one skill is is like can you write a scene that is so compelling that people turn the page and read the next scene and, based on everything I see coming across my desk, most people can’t do that.” (Italics are mine.)

Savannah highlights this powerful quote at the beginning of the podcast: “One thing that drives me crazy about writing is that in almost every other art form we separate performance and practice as two separate activities, and in writing we just smush them together. So it’s like I’m going to learn how to write while I write something I want to publish. That’s like saying I’m going to learn how to play the guitar while playing a concert. Like that doesn’t make any sense. I wish more writers would stop trying to produce their work in progress and just become really good at the skill of scene writing.” (Italics are mine.)

So the goal for this year is to finish the damn book. The goal for next year is to practice writing compelling scenes. I’d love to take the 12 week course that Story Grid is offering but I can’t even imagine what the cost would be, especially since they’re offering a $250 discount if you do whatever. Plus you have to apply to take the course. Hopefully this free seminar will have some good information for me to start with!

Writing News: NaNoWriMo update, Getting Organized and 2 Free Seminars

~ Rose Sparrowking ~ 1 Comment

Disclosure: The links provided in this post are for informational purposes only. I am not affiliated with any of the products or services mentioned, nor do I receive any compensation for sharing these resources. My goal is simply to provide you with valuable information to explore at your discretion. (This paragraph was produced in conjunction with Claude.AI. All other paragraphs were written strictly by myself.)

NaNoWriMo 2024

TLDR: I’m not officially doing NaNo this year.

I really miss the old NaNoWriMo, specifically the community that came together for the month of November in the forums. I miss the forums! That’s really why I dropped out last year beyond the fact that my local community never got together in person. And the NaNo organization basically imploded, there’s that.

I’ve been looking for a new writing community. I tried to start one locally at my library but I’d get one person at a time and I’d spend the entire two hours talking to them so it wouldn’t be awkward. But it was and I didn’t get much writing done. I’ve looked for an established local group but haven’t found anything so far.

I’d be willing to join a writing Discord but I’m not very good with Discord yet and I haven’t found a group that I’m interested in. Any suggestions are appreciated!

But I do want to do a November challenge, like NaNo, so I’ll be doing it on my own. 50,000 words on my romance novel, which won’t finish the novel but should be close.

My goal is to finish the novel by the end of the year. Just finish. It doesn’t have to be fabulous, earthshattering. Just done.

I am using this word count tracker. I may put up a widget with my word count.

Wish me luck!

Organizing a Novel

Holy shit, I’ve got so much stuff for this romance novel. Word docs, Scrivener files, text files, stuff on Novelcrafter, some AI generated ideas on Claude and ChatGPT. Many, many versions of the opening scene. Cover images. Character images. SO. MUCH. SHIT.

It’s all got to come together, in one place. I’ve owned Scrivener for years so I tried stuffing it all in there. I know so many writers love Scrivener but I find it overwhelming. It’s just too much. I had the same issue with Novelcrafter. So many bells and whistles. Too, too much.

I like Microsoft Word. Maybe it’s because I’ve used it for a long time and am familiar with it. (I always shop at the same grocery store, despite being close to several. I know where everything is in my store!) I know where everything is in Word. I know it’s a quick Google search if I need help with something. Word just works for me and I’m committed to making my life easier where I can.

But it is not good at organizing all the stuff you need to write a novel.

This week has been about collecting all the info from all the different places its stored. On my computer, in Scrivener, Novelcrafter and AI sites. I hope I’ve remembered them all! I’ve set up a simple file system: the overall folder for the project containing an IDEAS doc, a CHARACTER folder, a MASTER doc, a RESEARCH doc, an IMAGES folder, a PLOT IDEAS doc. That’s all in no particular order.

The PLOT IDEAS doc has scenes I’ve written out, multitudes of the same scene, group together by setting and time of occurrence in the story.

The IDEAS doc… I should change it’s name probably, but it has any notes or free-writes or middle-of-the-night epiphanies that I’ve jotted down.

I will be adding a word count spreadsheet and, perhaps, a scene spreadsheet that details each scene I’ve written. I think the rest is self explanatory.

I plan to write each scene in a separate doc and compile the story in the end into the MASTER. Or maybe Scrivener at that point or Atticus. I know Word has trouble handling large documents. I don’t know at once size it craps out at, so research needed.

My daughter has also played with Fictionary, so that’s worth a look.

I’m exploring like it’s the Wild West so who knows if I’ll strike gold, but I’ll keep you updated.

Unlocking Creativity & Productivity (All While Keeping Your True Voice) with Joseph Michael

October 17, 2024. This may be the same AI seminar I’ve already done but AI isn’t going away and I’m always looking to gain more knowledge of it. Free but upselling will occur, and that’s fair. I can say no easy enough.

Escape the Plot Forest 2024 from Daniel David Wallace

October 19-23, 2024. “Improve your plotting and storytelling techniques inside this supportive writing community.” I find myself getting stuck plotting out novels. The romance story I’m working on is hung up because I don’t really knows what happens after the meet-cute. I’m hoping for some sparks during this summit. Again, it’s free for a short time and then you have to pay to keep all the sessions. I tend to review each session quickly for golden nuggets so the time limit doesn’t worry me. I do like that there’s a Discord group. I wonder if it will continue after the summit is over.

Links List: Romance Writers’ Week and Why Do We Even Read?

~ Rose Sparrowking

Prowritingaid is hosting Romance Writers’ Week starting February 12, 2024. I rarely watch the sessions live, but go through them quickly afterward. You’ve got like a week or so to review the sessions before access is cut off (unless, of course, you fork over more money!). There are usually some good tidbits along with the usual sales pitches. It’s free.

Why Do We Even Read?: “The purpose of literature is, of course, to open up new worlds and introduce information and experiences. This is what libraries do and why libraries are a monumental resource and a cornerstone of democracy. They offer a whole world to their communities that does not change based on an algorithm. It’s based on providing tools, skills, and resources that benefit as many people as possible outside capitalism, which drives data collection and the resulting feeds curated for a user rather than curated by a user.”

Happy November 1st

~ Rose Sparrowking

Happy First Day of NaNoWriMo! Woo hoo!

First, if you’re going to do timed sprints, you should actually start the timer. Hahaha! I was writing and writing and waiting for the timer to go off so I could get up and stretch and use the bathroom but it never happened. I finally tabbed over to see how much time was left, and, yup, never started it.

I got a good start on my word count!

I’m using this word count tracker: NaNoWriMo Wordcount Worksheet (https://justinmclachlan.gumroad.com/l/nanowrimotracker)

Since my husband works from home (and is teaching a seminar today), I’ve got my noise-cancelling headphones on with the Piano Guys playing. I find lyrics distracting when I’m writing. Also, I just like the Piano Guys!

I’ve got two goals for November:

  1. Write daily
  2. Walk daily

I’ve got a lot going on this month, NaNo, Thanksgiving, a charity event, cleaning to prep for Thanksgiving but I’m most concerned about my health. I was sick in September and then had COVID in October. I haven’t exercised at all in two months, except for walking in Florence on our recent trip. So I’m getting myself back in the habit of moving, starting slowly with a daily walk. By the new year, I’ll be ready to ramp it up, provided I stay healthy. Fingers-crossed.

Daily walk:  20 minutes at a local park

Writing: Word count today: 1717

Science Fiction Writers’ Week with ProWritingAid

~ Rose Sparrowking

Sci-Fi Writers’ week was September 11-14 and while I watched many of the sessions, these were the only two that inspired me to take notes. There was another session that I wanted to watch, but there was a problem with the wrong video being posted and I never went back to see if they fixed it. And now I’ve lost the link, so that’s poor planning on my part.

I have signed up for another webinar, How to Structure Your Plot and Finally Start Your Novel with Katja Kaine, on September 26th and I’ve bookmarked the link this time. Live and learn! I’m looking forward to this because plotting is a struggle for me. I can develop characters and setting and dream up a few scenes but getting a well structured plot has eluded me so far. I usually end up pantsing it, which doesn’t lead to a cohesive plot and requires a lot of editing.

Onto the webinar session reviews:

The first session I watched was by Joe Nicoletti of AI for Authors, talking about how to use ChatGPT as a writer. I knew very little going in, so this one was very informative, even though he only scratched the surface of what’s out there. His main point was learning to develop the best prompt for AI to get the results you want. Think of what expert you need the AI to be, who the audience is, what tone of voice, what writing style and what the context is for your prompt. Get specific. Then ask follow up questions and drill down. Don’t know what to ask? Ask the AI what you should be asking. He got ChatGPT to generate some awesome ideas and characters, even an alien language with pronunciation, with his prompt and follow ups. He was so enthused by what he was demonstrating, that the ProWritingAid monitor had to cut in and tell him he only had 2 minutes left in his time slot. Haha! Definitely going to be playing with this and looking to learn more.

Next session I watched in replay was a talk by the author Lauren Buekes. Loved this one, as she’s very encouraging but also down to earth. She acknowledged that creating is hard, but it’s so worthwhile. “Art is the fire we light against the darkness.” And to just finish: “Finish the damn book. Nothing else matters. Stop second-guessing yourself and write through to the end. You don’t know what you have until you’ve finished it. You don’t know how to fix it until it’s all down on the page.” Also, something on AI: “There is a subconscious magic in process and I think this is what AI is never going to be able to do. There is the subconscious thing that happens as you’re typing and the words change and the characters run away with you and do something different and it’s not magic and you’re not possessed. It is your brain. It’s the wonder of your brain and it’s the wonder of thinking about things and actually writing it and the process is the writing and that’s why it’s so important to finish.” If you can hear her speak, I’d would encourage you to take advantage!

I’m looking forward to more webinars with ProWritingAid and let me know if there are other webinars (preferably free!) happening out there that you’d recommend.

Links to Articles on Using AI for Writers

~ Rose Sparrowking

I am technologically curious and really enjoyed what little I’ve learned about using AI for creative writing. Enough that I’d like to learn more. I am concerned about how AI has been trained and what that means as far as copywrite for authors. But I think for generating ideas, characters, and other items that aren’t actual writing, AI could be very useful.

Here’s a few links about using ChatGPT for writing:

How to use ChatGPT for writing by TechRadar. Summarizing, creating characters, worldbuilding, creating outlines and some good tips for better prompts.

5 Ways ChatGPT Can Improve, Not Replace, Your Writing at Wired. Use ChatGPT as a writing assistant. Find the right word. Generate ideas. Do research, but check out the sources! Generate character and place names. Have it review your writing.

9 ChatGPT Tips for Writers (Plus Prompts) from EvatoTuts+. 9 tips for writers using ChatGpt.

How to Write a Novel With ChatGPT (Ultimate Guide in 2023) from WritingBeginner. “Write a novel with ChatGPT by generating outlines, descriptions, dialogue, and scenes. Using prompts like, “Describe the setting of the scene” or, “Create a dramatic confrontation,” ChatGPT generates unique and compelling output, scene by scene. Refine and edit the output to fit your story’s needs.”

Online courses:

Write an entire novel with AI? Sudowrite. I’ve listened to The Creative Penn’s podcast with Amit Gupta from Sudowrite and it’s worth a listen to hear their side of the AI and creative writing debate. I am technologically curious enough to at least give it a try.